


i wanna give it all, i know i will, 'cause blueberry eyes seem to make time still

by EyeScreamQueen



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Non-Explicit Sex, Pearlrose Week, Renegade Pearl, Requited Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe), Rose Quartz is Pink Diamond, and also eight foot of barely suppressed guilt and self-loathing, facets out for the Rebellion, implied gem sex, war era PearlRose
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:54:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28051992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EyeScreamQueen/pseuds/EyeScreamQueen
Summary: Rose Quartz gets curious when she hears a rumor about the habits of lower-class Gems.Free day prompt for PearlRose Week 2020.
Relationships: Pearl/Rose Quartz (Steven Universe)
Comments: 14
Kudos: 27





	i wanna give it all, i know i will, 'cause blueberry eyes seem to make time still

**Author's Note:**

> Massive thankyou to palezma for organising PearlRose Week during this apocalyptic year, and to all the kind folks at the Reef for the support, encouragement and endless creativity.

Those eyes. They’d been the first thing Pink noticed when she received her new toy, amidst the warnings to be careful with this one. A special gift from White. Wasn’t she lucky?

The privilege felt hollow as a shell. She’d felt like she could crumble from shame, so guilty she hadn’t been able to bear customization - sick loop of scream-crack-glitch-no-fixher _please_ playing in her mind as the replacement shimmered into being. Dainty and graceful, they all were. Same long delicate nose, slender gait, shy subservient smile. But those eyes. Stars. Bright as a nebula, blue as an ice giant. 

She’d flinched away from eye contact after she first came into being, a good pearl - reticent where her predecessor had been chipper, having learned over time to look her smilingly in the face. Never equals, of course; but such behavior was past unseemly for a mere pearl toward her Diamond. Pink had considered asking this one to look her in the eyes, but she would’ve taken it as an order, with that devastating eagerness to please that Pink hated so much. 

She doesn’t flinch anymore. Far from it. Her manners have slipped over millennia from sycophantic to familiar, her smiles from nervous to convivial. And when Pink Diamond says she could never be without her pearl, she means it on levels far deeper than that of a Gem Elite regarding her property. 

But today Pink Diamond is, once more, curiously absent. Instead, behind the drawn curtains of the palanquin, is Rose - with her favorite little rebel nestled comfortably in her lap. Well. Rose is comfortable, idly stroking Pearl’s shoulder, nosing into the silky cherry-blossom pink fluff of hair where it frames her cheek. Pearl’s keen eyes are half-lidded, but her form is tense and Rose knows from the crease of her brow that her agile mind is working overtime. 

“What’s on your mind, my Pearl?”

“Oh,” she sighs. “I... was thinking about the last reconnaissance mission. We need to re-evaluate tactics. We were...” She twists in Rose’s arms to face her, face pinched with worry. “We were flanked. If Bismuth hadn’t been able to reinforce the shields after we captured the volcano... if Garnet hadn’t been there, I - “

“But they did and they were,” Rose hums, placing both hands on Pearl’s shoulders. “And we never could have made it through without you. You were brilliant. You saved a lot of lives that day.”

“I lost sight of you,” Pearl whispers, with a shudder. Rose pulls her in close and she allows it, winds her arms around Rose’s neck. 

“We’ve been over this. I don’t need to be protected all the time. I can handle myself.”

“You _know_ why I can’t let you dissipate,” Pearl whimpers into her neck. “I can’t - I can’t - “

“Hush, now,” Rose soothes, rubbing Pearl’s shoulders. “We need you focused. I’m safe. You’re safe. We fight again. We will win.”

“The Diamonds are angry,” Pearl murmurs anxiously, as she draws back to tip her face up to Rose’s. “We took out two of their best lieutenants. They’ll want us punished.”

“I’ll see to it that they don’t get the forces they think they require,” Rose promises, then grimaces. “Or, one of me will.”

“I... “ Pearl begins, then hangs her head. “This was my idea. Every time we lose someone, I think... what have I done?”

“You’re a Crystal Gem,” Rose says, plainly. “You know what we fight for.” 

At this, Pearl’s eyes fly open in a panic. 

“Of course! I only meant - it hurts, Rose. We show them a different way, they believe in us, fight alongside us... and they shatter, and I’m still here.” She bites her lip. “And I’m only a p- “

“No,” Rose interrupts, silencing her with a kiss. “None of that, please. You _are_ a Pearl, you are important, and you are a marvel. I couldn’t do this without you.”

The thought seems to startle. Rose wonders what worries are taking root behind her gem. She can’t resist the odd impulse to reach out and caress it, the very edge where it meets her brow, hard-light never softer to the touch. 

She can’t resist, so she doesn’t. At the brush of her thumb, Pearl’s whole body jolts, wild-eyed as she jerks away.

“Oh stars - I’m sorry - I - “ Hot bolt of panic, close to what she always imagined one of Yellow’s shocks to feel like. “Did I _hurt_ you?”

“No, my D - no, Rose!” Pearl stammers. “I - you mustn’t - “

“I won’t,” Rose affirms quickly. “But I need to know - was that uncomfortable? Did I harm you?”

Pearl’s face is a blaze of cyan, and her mouth opens once or twice, seeming to struggle on how to answer. Rose knows she must be careful now, not press for a response, lest Pearl default to feeling commanded. 

It’s hard, but oh, _so_ worth it. For every instance of Pearl backsliding into stuttering submission, there are ten moments in which she shouts down whole crowds of grousing Crystal Gems when the troops become restive. Rose had been overjoyed to see her actually stamp her foot before their last battle, when Labradorite had sneeringly questioned the strategy of _some off-colour pearl_ \- glaring up into the bigger Gem’s face, nose to pointed nose as she balled up her fists and argued back. The shock on Lab’s face had been glorious to look at. Bismuth had nearly chipped herself laughing. 

It was wondrous. Rose wants to see so much more of that - but in the present moment, her defiant second in command has been swallowed up by her worries, a fractious bundle of nerves on her knee once more. 

And Rose has to be patient. She has to be patient, can’t get frustrated or angry or out of control, because - well. She just can’t. Not with Pearl so close, so trusting and so breakable.

“It’s okay, Pearl. Take as much time as you need. Nothing’s wrong. I just want to... try to understand, so I don’t harm you.”

“You could never!” Oh. That face. The total conviction, wide eyes above the blue cheeks. Rose has to look away. But Pearl, at least, has recovered her voice.

“I... it didn’t hurt. Or feel... uncomfortable. It felt... good.” The last word is a shamed little whisper.

“Good?” Rose frowns, glancing back.

“Yes.” 

“...How?”

Pearl blinks at her, seeming uncertain, and then her forehead creases around her gem in a slow-growing frown.

“Oh... of course. You were a... nobody would ever have... oh, stars.” Pearl hides her face in her hands with a muffled squeak. 

“Pearl!” Rose laughs, bemused and affectionate. “Please don’t hide. What’s the matter?”

“I can’t.” Pearl’s mortified eyes peer between her fingers. Gently, carefully, Rose takes her wrists and encourages her out from behind her shield.

“Whatever you’re fretting over, I promise, I won’t be... well, whatever you’re afraid of. I just want to know! Come on,” she tries, lilting up to a tease. “Don’t we share everything?”

Pearl can’t seem to look at her, eyes trained on the roof of the palanquin. Her hands are weaving invisible patterns in the air, wrists gently held in Rose’s far larger grip.

“They say it’s meant to feel good,” she blurts, abruptly, nervous fingers twisting this way and that. “To t-touch... oh, don’t make me say it.”

“Pearl,” Rose pleads. She winces, swallows hard - Rose catches the bob of her white throat, the shifted larynx she doesn’t need - and then, visible effort, she forces herself to look at Rose.

“Lower class Gems... do things. Together. Just because it - it feels good.”

“With their gems?” 

“...Yes.” Her voice has dwindled to a whisper.

“They... touch one another’s gems?”

Pearl nods, teal from clavicle to cabochon. Rose lets her wrists go, rubbing a soothing thumb over the backs of Pearl’s fluttering hands, as she ponders this new information. 

Well. That’s... that’s something. 

Pink had heard rumors, of course. Whisperings between Blue and Yellow, always silenced if White appeared - they would’ve been held responsible for such unseemly behavior from their underlings. They’d dropped their voices around Pink, no doubt deeming her too immature - but she still heard more than they knew.

She appreciated their fear and revulsion. It could’ve ruined everything. The very idea of common Gems - any Gems, really - pursuing any activity for pure enjoyment is indecent. The concept of that sort of pleasure is so gross, so far from acceptable, that Rose struggles to envision the scope of its impropriety. Pleasure could lead to desire, which could lead to autonomy, which would lead to revolt, which would mean the collapse of Great Diamond Authority. And if any Gems formed too strong a connection, that could lead to _fusion_ , and... well, there was a reason White had commissioned the rejuvenators.

It‘s unthinkable on Homeworld. Dangerous. Wrong in every possible way. Beyond taboo. 

It’s _fascinating_. 

“Have you ever done it?” she asks excitedly of Pearl. It’s invasive, she realizes, a beat too late. She feels as well as sees the lurch of Pearl’s frame as she recoils, horror-struck.

“A Gem fraternizing with a pearl?” she whispers. “That would - _Rose_! Pearls aren’t even real Gems. To do - that - with a higher class Gem, would mean... profligacy. Inattentiveness toward one’s owner. Behavior not in accordance with normal functioning.” She looks down again. “Shattering offences.”

“Truly?” Rose breathes, stricken. It’s hardly a surprise, but the thought of her Pearl shattered is a hideous one. She thinks of how many of her type exist on Homeworld as trinkets: veins of untapped potential running deeper than the core of any planet; whole personalities reduced to dust at an owner’s whim. Something deep in her form twists, guilty and repulsed.

“Many things are shattering offences when you’re so easy to replace,” Pearl replies, quietly. Rose is both heartened and chastised to hear the bitterness ring in her familiar voice. There’s so much she takes for granted. Sometimes the gulf between her station and Pearl’s feels like a vast expanse of space, with no warp to cross it. 

“But a Pearl and their owner could - “

“That,” Pearl cuts in, suddenly cold, “would not count.” She blinks for a moment as if startled at her own abruptness; then narrows her eyes, staring down at their hands. “A Gem can order their pearl to do anything, accept anything... endure anything. Regardless of whether they want to or not.” Her nostrils flare. “We’re designed to do as our owners bid. It... isn’t the same. No matter how it feels. It doesn’t count when you don’t choose.” She gives a tight, humorless laugh. It sounds like ice cracking. “And a pearl can never choose.”

“I’m sorry. I - I didn’t mean to cause offence.”

At this, Pearl’s eyes flick back up, puzzled. “Rose, you didn’t - “

“I _did_ ,” Rose interrupts earnestly. “I didn’t think before I spoke. I hurt your feelings, and it was wrong. Can you forgive me?”

“Always.” The reply is too quick, too immediate, but Rose accepts it with a sigh.

She cups Pearl’s cheek, strokes her shoulders, and gestures to encourage her back down to her previous resting spot. Pearl makes a soft, gauzy noise of contentment as she settles; seemingly relieved that the conversation is over. 

“For what it’s worth,” Rose murmurs, “I haven’t tried it, either.”

The tension floods back into Pearl like the rush of a tide. “...Never?”

Rose chuckles. “What Gem would dare presume to offer themselves in such a manner to a Diamond? If Pearls are thought of - wrongly, of course - as too lowly for such activity, then I’m all the way at the other end of the spectrum.”

Pearl seems to ponder this in silence, lips pursed in a slight frown. Rose smiles.

“We’re not so different in that respect. Until - “ She sucks in a breath, catches herself, buries sharp-edged memories deep as she rethinks her wording. “Until I had a Pearl who could think for herself, I thought I’d never have anyone to talk to. Not like this. Not as an equal.”

“But we can never be equal,” Pearl blurts, voice trembling. “It’s - Rose, please don’t speak so, it’s - it’s wrong.”

“No, it isn’t,” Rose soothes. “We’re _Crystal Gems_ . You’re the second among equals here. I’m the face of the Rebellion, but we would all be lost without you. The _war_ would be lost without you.” She wraps both arms around Pearl, holding her closer. “My renegade Pearl. I wonder what the others think when they hear the stories?”

“Other Gems?”

“Other Pearls.”

“Pearls... pearls don’t think,” she falters. “They can’t.” 

The lie is so blindingly obvious Rose doesn’t dignify it with a response. Pearl is always more anxious than she is about being overheard when they’re still in the palanquin. Instead she sighs, rests her cheek against the top of Pearl’s head.

There’s still so much Pearl keeps to herself when it comes to other Pearls. There are thousands of instinctive half-truths and lies by omission, a secret culture of constant vigilance they’ve carved out for their own safety. With that pre-programmed ability to perceive the needs of their owners before being asked, they’ve learned to communicate in ways so subtle their owners would never give it notice. 

Pearls protect one another, as far as they’re able. Often it isn’t enough. But a few Pearls spared from shattering, or a rejuvenation delayed long enough to bid a friend farewell - these were the tiny victories won in hidden service corridors, behind pillars, cloistered in dark corners. 

Rose had once, foolishly, compared it to the Rebellion. It hadn’t gone over well. _The ways of Pearls are not,_ Pearl had snapped, in an unusual show of frustration, _something other Gems can ever understand._

“Well,” Rose muses, slow and considered. “At least our ignorance in that regard is something we have in common.”

“I... yes.” Pearl’s reply is guarded. 

They sit for a long, quiet moment; Pearl slowly settling against Rose’s shoulder, downy head gradually coming to rest in the crook of her neck. Rose, meanwhile, is thinking.

“We could try it,” she ventures, nonchalantly. “If you wanted.”

Pearl is so startled she almost topples off Rose’s lap.

“What?”

“I mean it,” Rose continues, resettling Pearl with a smile. “We’ve fused, for stars’ sake - what’s one more transgression? These things could never happen on Homeworld, and I can’t think of anything more fitting for us Crystal Gems than taking everything we were denied there and trying as much of it as possible. Or, I should say,” she adds, quickly, “as much as we want to try.”

Pearl seems stunned into silence, mouth agape. Rose smooths Pearl’s hair, hoping to reassure, wary of asking too much at once. Pearl still has a habit of misinterpreting Rose’s suggestions as instructions, but there are no Diamonds here.

She’s a Quartz now, after all. Is this something a Quartz might do? She has no idea, but the initial spark of interest is rapidly kindling to curiosity. No hierarchy, not here in the empty palanquin. Just two rebels with nowhere else to be, nothing else to do... providing, of course, both are enthusiastic about the idea. 

“You... said it felt good, before,” Rose proceeds, softly. “Would you like me to do it again, Pearl?”

“I... “ Pearl’s lip trembles, eyes huge. Beneath the shock, her expression is almost hungry. “I don’t know. I mean - I _do_. But - isn’t it… wrong? For you and I to - ”

“Pearl. We’re leading a rebellion against Homeworld. _I’m_ secretly the leader of the insurgency, and _you_ defied your programming and learned to summon a sword,” Rose reminds her, dryly. “What Homeworld thinks is wrong stopped being relevant to me the first time I came to Earth.”

“When the colony was formed?” Pearl asks, hesitantly.

“When _I_ first came to earth,” Rose answers. “When you showed me I could change. When I... found something worth protecting.”

_When I realized I could still do something other than destroy things._

Pearl’s blue flush deepens. Her gaze darts around, seeming wary to look Rose in the face, and there’s a yank of panic at the thought that she’s pushed too far. 

“Pearl, we don’t have to. You don’t have to,” Rose assures, quickly. “You don’t have to do anything. We don’t ever have to talk about this again if you’d rather not. But, if you’d like to try…” She swallows, considering her words. How to phrase her own eagerness without making Pearl feel duty-bound to please her? “I... don’t know how this works, but if - only if - you ever felt inclined, there’s no other Gem I’d want to try it with more.”

Those striking blue eyes are suddenly full. Pearl blinks hard, sucks unnecessary breath into illusory lungs to compose herself, then nods slowly.

“I... cannot believe I’m saying this. But - yes.” The word hisses out soft as vapor, reverent. “Please.”

“You’re sure?”

“Very,” Pearl affirms. Then - oh - she bites her lip, and something in Rose’s chest glows like a hot coal. 

“And you’d tell me if you changed your mind, or... if I did something wrong? If you don’t like it, or something hurts?” She knits their fingers together, left hand against Pearl’s right, wide plump palm almost enveloping Pearl's.

“You couldn- “ At the lift of Rose’s brow, Pearl pauses, then begins again. “Yes. Of course.”

“Pearl - there’s something else. I’d like you to reciprocate. If you want to.”

This seems to overwhelm her. Pearl’s gaze flickers down to the six shining faces of the gem nestled in her midriff, her hand beginning to tremble. “...Stars. You want _me_ to t-touch your Diam-“

“My gem,” Rose corrects, light and gentle. “Only if you’d like. We can just - see what feels good.” She chuckles, squeezing her hand. “I certainly wouldn’t want to try this with anyone else.”

“I... Rose. I want - I would like to, of course, but... This is...” She grips Rose’s shoulders with a nervous titter of laughter. “This is so new. I don’t - I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Neither do I. We can learn together. Do you... want to try now?” 

“Now?” Pearl’s eyes are blown wide.

“We have time.” Gently, waiting for permission, Rose traces a finger up Pearl’s jawline, along her cheek, resting at the far edge of her brow, caressing her hairline. Not a planck further until she’s asked.

Pearl shudders, and then dips her head towards Rose. Granting access. An invitation. 

“I’d like to hear you say it, if you can,” Rose murmurs. “I won’t do anything you don’t ask for.”

“Please.” The word is soft as a spider’s thread. “Please, Rose.”

They both sigh as Rose’s thumb paints a slow stripe down the center of the surface of her gem. It's so smooth, no facets or edges, faintly warm. Pearl’s fingers dig into Rose’s shoulder, a strangled little gasp hissing out between her teeth.

“Is this okay?” Rose asks, pausing uncertainly. 

“Please,” Pearl murmurs, choked, as a slow-building glow stars outward from the center of her gem, “please, do it again.”

The look on her face and the hitch in her voice makes Rose feel dizzy. On impulse, she leans in close, presses an open-mouthed kiss against the nacre.

As it turns out, they’re both quick learners. 

* * *

It’s almost a full sun cycle later when they stop.

Lying on her back in the middle of the palanquin, Rose clutches Pearl against her. She’s as warm all over as if she’d been lying in the heat of the sun, basking like some Earth creature. Pearl’s eyes are half-closed, and occasionally she gives a little whimper when Rose’s curls brush her gem, twitching her head away from the overstimulation. 

They’re bare and disheveled, both having long since phased off their clothing, forms twined together like strawberry vines. Rose isn’t sure she could move if she tried. She’s extremely thankful Pink had issued the order for nobody to disturb her. Rose at least knows for certain that there’ll be no battles while Pink is otherwise occupied - the Crystal Gems aren’t planning another rush at Facet Five for days, yet. 

Dimly, she remembers that she’ll need to instruct the Diamond Authority scouts to scan away from the Kindergarten, the opposite direction to where she’ll lead the vanguard to surprise them from the rear… but she pushes thoughts of combat and strategy down, just for now. Too warm and content for thoughts of war, with her star tactician equally incapacitated, snug in the crook of her arm.

Outside, light is just beginning to filter through the cracks at the edges of the twice-secured curtain. They can hear a few voices - the Kunzites, maybe, or Thulite beginning the early watch - carried on the breeze without. Pink is expected on the communicator to give a report before the next moon rises, but with Pearl nestled against her it’s hard for Rose to imagine anyone caring about Kindergartens or colonies or outposts. They’ll need to move soon, though, before someone gets suspicious. The Diamonds don’t like to be kept waiting. 

_Perhaps if someone were to rub their gems once in a while, they wouldn’t be as irritable._ The thought is so absurd it makes her giggle, jostling Pearl against her chest. 

Pearl stirs, gives a sigh of contentment, before she struggles up onto her elbow. Her delicate wrist brushes the outer facet of Rose’s gem, sets it tingling again. She shivers, forces herself not to get carried away.

“That...” Rose murmurs, “was worth shattering for.”

Pearl’s dreamy look of contentment twists sharply into alarm. “Don’t _ever_ say that.”

“I mean it,” Rose laughs, carding her fingers through Pearl’s mussed hair. “I cannot believe Homeworld keeps that a secret. No... actually, I can.”

“Hmm?” Pearl’s worried eyes glaze over as Rose massages her neck with careful forefinger and thumb. “What makes you say that?”

“Well, if everyone did that Homeworld would fall apart,” she reasons, conversationally. “Imagine trying to persuade anyone to work if they knew that was an alternative.”

“Rose!” Pearl blushes, somehow finding it in her to be embarrassed despite their current disarray. Rose pulls her close and kisses her once on each blue cheek.

“I can see it now,” she smirks as she pulls back. “Peridots refusing to code because they’re too busy getting some friction. Larimars getting distracted, rubbing gems ‘til their ice melts.” 

Pearl buries her face in her neck, groaning, and Rose’s eyes glimmer wickedly.

“Whole teams of Rubies all grinding together in a heap. Quartzes roughhousing just so they can get a feel of a step-cut. Morganites refusing to draw anything but each other, all spread out, showing off every facet - “

“Stop, oh, stop!” Pearl cries weakly around breathless, scandalised laughter. “You’re terrible.”

“You like it,” Rose giggles, nuzzling her cheek. “Pearl... thank you. For sharing this with me.”

Pearl’s eyes soften, overcome. She’s sweet and devoted and so achingly far above what Rose deserves, it makes her want to weep - Pearl, ever attentive, seems to notice. Her hand comes to cup Rose’s face, thumb brushing her cheek as she opens her mouth to reply - slow and hesitant, like she has something terribly important to say -

“My Diamond?”

Two words, evaporating their little oasis of peace; easy tenderness of the moment ripped to ruin like a piece of fabric. _Stars_. They’re right outside - 

And Pearl is on her feet quicker than blinking. There’s a nanosecond of shimmering light around her form as her outfit is phased back on, and Rose can do little more than stare in awe at the speed with which she snaps back into role. She’s the very picture of deference as she darts to the entrance, ducks neatly around the curtains, one hand tugging the material tight around her - still, even in this small action, protecting Rose. 

“I do apologize, Goshenite,” she hears her reply, voice miraculously calm and even. In the slit of light left by the curtain Rose sees her willowy silhouette dip into a deep curtsy. “Her Radiance has given a strict order not to be disturbed, and instructed me to record any urgent communications. Might a pearl be of assistance in any way, Your Lustre?”

“I understand and beg Her forgiveness. However, Her Brilliance, Yellow Diamond, has requested an urgent meeting at the earliest possible convenience. Her pearl has already established a link to the comms channel.”

“Understood. I will notify Her Radiance Pink Diamond immediately.”

“You better.” The cool contempt in Goshenite’s tone rankles with Rose. She’ll have to learn which cut that was, make sure she’s kept very far away from Pearl in future. Plenty of Gems covet a pearl of their own, and plenty more would think nothing of brushing aside a pearl who got in their way. Forcefully.

"I will. I humbly thank for your patience, Goshenite." It's Pearl's voice, but so small and servile that Rose barely recognizes it. The sound makes Rose's form feel too-tight, tingling with a hot glow of rage. She smothers it down, presses her lips together tight, not daring to move. 

“See to it that you do. We are but shards before the glory of the Diamonds.”

“We are but shards before the glory of the Diamonds,” Pearl echoes. Rose heaves a sigh as she gets to her feet, clothes rematerializing in a flash of light. She can’t see Pearl, but there is no doubt in her mind that she’s curtsying again.

A second later, she hears the familiar voice call, “I beg your indulgence, Your Radiance - “

“Yes, Pearl, enter,” she sighs, in Pink’s voice. 

Pearl reappears. She takes two dainty, measured steps back over the threshold of the palanquin, secures the curtains with trembling hands - then, she runs right back into Rose’s arms.

“That was close, that was t-too close, oh, Rose - “ she whispers, strangled by fear.

“I’m here. I’m here. Oh, my Pearl, I hate hearing you like that,” Rose murmurs, kissing the crown of her head. “Are you okay?”

“That was close,” Pearl moans again, halfway to a sob. “You’ve been missed. Her Brilliance -“

“Yellow.”

“ - Yellow _Diamond_ ,” Pearl presses on, “wants to see you. Stars, Rose, I think she’s angry. Even Goshenite looked scared.” Her eyes are alert and wary once more, no longer dazed with the receding haze of pleasure. “You don’t think they know?”

“How in the stars would they? They weren’t here,” Rose rolls her eyes. 

“The Diamonds are omniscient - “

“Pearl,” Rose cuts across, impatient. “They are not. Trust me. We both know how clueless Diamonds can be. And if Yellow had seen me like _this_ , I really think we’d have bigger problems.”

“We’re going to be late,” Pearl whimpers. She’s quaking where she stands. The panic suffusing her whole form is enough to make Rose relent. “We’re going be late, Rose, _please_ , we can’t - “

“No need to dissipate yourself. I’m going, don’t worry.” She lets go of Pearl, steps back, closing her eyes. “Just a moment.”

She concentrates, whole form brightening. Her gem shifts as she feels it turn, body lengthening, angles sharpening - and then Pink Diamond blinks back into existence; towering over her pearl, who instinctively drops into a curtsy. Pink sighs in distaste at the sight. 

It’s getting harder, reverting to form. The pretense feels easier than the truth nowadays. But freedom - all of their freedoms, the infinite possible choices, more than any Sapphire could ever count - are worth enduring for. They’re counting on her. So many have been lost. 

Unbidden memory wrenches again as she looks down at Pearl: two pink knots of hair, the twirl of ribbon, laugh like the chime of a bell. The little crumpled body when the dust cleared, high thin scream, flood of dread worse than desaturation. The crack deepening behind desperate fingers and false promises of _don’t worry, my Diamond, I’m fine! -_ trying to reassure her, to make her happy, even though she’d been shuddering with the effort of holding onto a form. Somehow, unbelievably, she’d still smiled, right until the end: bright as a sunbeam, until her face was lost to a mess of glitches. Pink will never forget that smile. She won’t allow herself to. She won't allow either of them to.

There’ve been too many casualties, all because of her. She _has_ to keep it together, for all of them. Steeling herself, Pink sets her jaw.

“Come, my Pearl,” she mutters, resignedly returning to rank and file. “My presence is required before Yellow and Blue.”

Pearl bows her head in deference, arms bent in that star-damned salute.

“Yes, my Diamond.”

But as she looks at Pearl through Pink’s eyes, gaze resting on her gem, Rose remembers. 

She remembers, and no matter what form she takes, she won’t forget.


End file.
